Virtual Teacher

The first word of advice is “listen first.” Listen to children with respect, as you would do with a dear friend. When your child is speaking, show genuine interest and be curious. You can show interest by making a supportive comment like, “That’s interesting… Tell me more.” When we give children the precious gift of listening, we are letting them know that we care and that we are interested in what they have to say. Listening first, then, is the foundation, so that, when we are the ones doing the talking, children listen to us. From the speaker’s perspective, some communication strategies that we can use are: Assume that what you want is true . If you talk and act as if what you want is true, your child will believe you. When we assume something, we are sending the message that the child already wants to do what we are asking, for example, asking, “Do you want carrots or celery?” assumes that the child wants and will eat one of these two vegetables. Use positive directions . Nega...

A popular belief in interactional and language-based discipline is that, when adults state any direction or command given to a child using positive wording , the child complies faster (and easier) than when we use negative language, i.e. negative directions or a negative command. Typically crowded with harsh terms and spoiled with negative presuppositions about the child’s character or identity, a negative direction tells the child what not to do, for example, “ Don’ t run on the hall” or “ Don’t bang on the table. What’s wrong with you today?!” (Negative presupposition: “There’s something wrong with you.”) In the same category we find the “Stop” command, for example, saying, “ Stop yelling! I’m getting a headache!” (Negative presupposition: “ You are giving me a headache.”) or “ Shut up ! I don’t want to hear another sound coming out of your mouth!” (Negative presupposition: “ Your sounds are annoying.”) Positive directions, on the other hand, give the child an alternative of...

Here are some “tricks of the trade” in language-based discipline so that teachers and parents get better results when disciplining angry and/or noncompliant children. 1.      Lower Your Voice When disciplining, reduce the tone of your voice and speak s-l-o-w-e-r. This helps you both in projecting self-confidence and in remaining calm. Louder and angrier statements, on the other hand, conceal the message beneath all the noise and harsh words that accompany them. 2.      Stay in the Present Do not dwell on past behavior, or something that happened weeks earlier. Correct only behavior that is happening here and now . 3.      Own Your Message Change “You-messages” to “I-messages.” For example, instead of saying, “ You are such a potty mouth!” say, “ I feel uneasy because I don’t like being cursed.” 4.      Challenge the Child When you address misbehavior, keep it simple but keep it ...

Like adults, children are not immune to the stressors of life. In managing personal and academic challenges, kids quite often experience frustration, expressing high concern and self-doubt with remarks such as: I can’t do anything right. I messed up again. I’m so stupid. I’m a failure if I can’t do this. Nothing works out for me. I’m going to do awful. I know I’m going to fail this test. The other kids think I’m weird. Everybody makes fun of me. I know something bad is going to happen. Most children seem unaware of this pattern of negative thinking, missing the important connection between repetitive and pessimistic self-talking (negative thoughts) and a low self-confidence with high anxiety. Like with the rest of us, these kinds of negative judgments or beliefs put us down; we criticize ourselves harshly for common errors and mistakes, doubt of our skills and abilities, and anticipate only the worst. With children specifically, negative and pessimistic thinking stron...

To read the article, click on the link: How To Teach Kids Positive Self-Talk: A Child’s Emotional Bulletproof VestMental Toughness Training

To improve our ability in disciplining children, we do not need flamboyant techniques or procedures; we just need better communication and persuasion skills. Generally speaking, persuasion is the process of communicating with children using just the right words to get the positive outcome we want. Most specifically, in persuasive discipline, we use specific language patterns and ways of talking to shift the child’s attitude and mind-set from noncompliance to compliance. Here is a partial list of persuasion-based techniques that parents, teachers, and tutors can use to improve child compliance (for the complete list, see Reyes, 2013):  Persuasion Technique 1: Assume that What You Want is True If you talk and act as if what you want is true, your child will believe you. When we assume something, we are sending the message to the child that he or she already wants to do what we are requesting; for example, asking, “Do you want carrots or celery?” assumes that the child wants and...

School staff and caregivers can help children understand how their internal self-talking or private speech influences the way they feel and behave. Knowing and reciting positive and optimistic self-statements help children feel happier and display improved self-control. Anger-prone, distraught, and/or impulsive children can be trained in monitoring their private speech and thoughts. Once the child recognizes the body (e.g. muscle tension and sweating) , thoughts (e.g. “I hate Mr. Evans!”) , and action (e.g. cursing and kicking) signals that cue an agitated state of mind, he can interrupt himself before acting aggressively and/or impulsively, and then the child self-corrects to calmer behavior and thoughts using his customized self-dialogue. Anger-prone and/or impulsive children can use specific self-statements or self-instructions to stop their habitual ways of thinking and to direct more positive responses. Self-coping statements to guide children in (a) handling anger triggers, ...