Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Help Your Child Develop Positive Thinking

Help your child write a list of five-to-ten positive things about himself or herself. When the list is ready, have the child practice by saying the list softly a number of times. Discuss events or times when the child can use the list (e.g. when coping with angry feelings or when teased).

Have the child complete an Inventory of Strengths where she lists her positive qualities, skills, and efforts. Questions to answer can be:

  • What are my strengths?
  • When do my strengths help me?
  • Where do my strengths help me?
  • Do I use my strengths?
  • When do I use my strengths?
  • Where do I use my strengths?
  • How do I use my strengths?

Use the child’s answers to customize a set of positive self-statements that she can use to reinforce her self-confidence and to stay motivated.

Help the child develop a set of positive statements that he can use to cope with troublesome events. The child can use these self-statements individually; several self-statements combined, or coupled with other behavioral management interventions such as anger management and/or relaxation. Some examples:

  • Things will be fine.
  • I’m upset now, but things will get better.
  • Soon, I’ll feel happy again.
  • When I start to worry, I relax and feel better.
  • There’s no problem so big that it cannot be solved.
  • I can problem solve. And I will.
  • One-step at a time will get me there.
  • Trying my best is what counts.


Family > Parenting > Child Compliance 

Ways in which parents can deliver supportive and persuasive messages to inspire and encourage children to be the best they can be.

The Heart of Disciplining: Understanding and Delivering Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Teach Positive Behavior, an innovative language-based approach to child discipline, fully elaborates on three essential corrective acts: giving feedback, criticizing children, and correcting and redirecting behavior. Readers learn how to transform “flat” or adversarial language into enhanced communication that persuades and inspires children to be the best that they can be. Just look at this amazing content!



So, What is Discipline?

Setting the Parameters for Language-Based Discipline

Section 1: Feedback

Kinds of Feedback

Guidelines for Giving Corrective Feedback

Observable Behavior

Have a Goal

Make Sure the Goal is Specific

Make Sure the Goal is Realistic

Match Behavior with Goal

Match Praise with Goal

Engage Your Child in the Creation of Goals

Focus on Strengths

Communicate Positive Expectations

Make a Specific Recommendation for Change

Structure Your Feedback

Do Not Overload Your Child with Too Much Information

Begin on a Positive Note

Make Feedback Relevant to Your Child

Own Your Feedback

Clearly Distinguish Between Intention and Effect

Attribute a Positive Intention

Separate Behavior from Character

Focus on Effort and Progress

Focus Your Child on Strategic Effort

Provide Alternative Strategies

Speak the Language of Strategies

Give Feedback about Processes and Procedures

Build Motivation

Ask Questions

Teach Self-Reference Feedback

Keep 5: 1: 0 Ratios

Section 2: Criticizing Your Child

Kinds of Criticism

Guidelines for Criticizing Children

State Only Observations

Watch Out for Manners

Have a Message

Collect the Facts

Show Concern

Reference Actions, Not Abilities

Keep Your Strong Feelings Under Control

Minimize Errors and Mistakes

Be Specific

Tolerate Negative Behavior

Give Supportive Examples

Explain the Purpose of Criticism

Teach Relative Reasoning

Become a Coach

Train Your Child in Self-Criticism

Link Your Criticism with Praise

Review Daily

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: Hidden Criticism

Section 3: Correcting and Redirecting Behavior

Guidelines for Correcting Behavior

Have Clear Behavior Expectations

Give Unconditional Acceptance

Avoid You-Messages

Separate Child from Behavior

Externalize the Behavior

Help Your Child Fix the Mistake

Show Concern

Remain Calm

Do Not Dwell on the Past

Stay Close

Avoid Global Statements

Start with Something Positive

Give Positive Directions

Give Your Child a Substitute Behavior

Make the New Behavior Relevant

Give Choices

Presuppose that Your Child is Going to Comply

Use Presuppositions of Change

Avoid Questions

Change “No” to “Yes, After…”

Replace “Why” with “What”

Give Examples

Focus Your Child in Fixing the Problem

Focus in Prevention

Use the Boomerang Technique

Teach Social Problem Solving

Remind Your Child of Positive Behavior

Train Your Child in Self-Assessment

Do Not Sugarcoat the Problem

Use Schaefer’s Six-Step Procedure

Giving Warnings

Some Pointers for Giving Warnings

Requests or Commands?

When Refusing Is Not an Option: Mastering the Alpha Command

Guidelines for Giving Alpha Commands

Using Precorrection

Correcting a Child Already Angry and Defiant


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