Help your child write a list of five-to-ten positive things about himself or herself. When the list is ready, have the child practice by saying the list softly a number of times. Discuss events or times when the child can use the list (e.g. when coping with angry feelings or when teased).
Have the child complete an Inventory of Strengths where she lists her positive qualities, skills, and efforts. Questions to answer can be:
- What are my strengths?
- When do my strengths help me?
- Where do my strengths help me?
- Do I use my strengths?
- When do I use my strengths?
- Where do I use my strengths?
- How do I use my strengths?
Use the child’s answers to customize a set of positive self-statements that she can use to reinforce her self-confidence and to stay motivated.
Help the child develop a set of positive statements that he can use to cope with troublesome events. The child can use these self-statements individually; several self-statements combined, or coupled with other behavioral management interventions such as anger management and/or relaxation. Some examples:
- Things will be fine.
- I’m upset now, but things will get better.
- Soon, I’ll feel happy again.
- When I start to worry, I relax and feel better.
- There’s no problem so big that it cannot be solved.
- I can problem solve. And I will.
- One-step at a time will get me there.
- Trying my best is what counts.
Family > Parenting > Child Compliance
Ways in which parents can deliver supportive and persuasive messages to inspire and encourage children to be the best they can be.
The Heart of Disciplining: Understanding and Delivering Feedback, Criticism, and Corrections that Teach Positive Behavior, an innovative language-based approach to child discipline, fully elaborates on three essential corrective acts: giving feedback, criticizing children, and correcting and redirecting behavior. Readers learn how to transform “flat” or adversarial language into enhanced communication that persuades and inspires children to be the best that they can be. Just look at this amazing content!
So, What is Discipline?
Setting the Parameters for Language-Based Discipline
Section 1: Feedback
Kinds of Feedback
Guidelines for Giving Corrective Feedback
Have a Goal
Make Sure the Goal is Specific
Make Sure the Goal is Realistic
Match Behavior with Goal
Match Praise with Goal
Engage Your Child in the Creation of Goals
Focus on Strengths
Communicate Positive Expectations
Make a Specific Recommendation for Change
Structure Your Feedback
Do Not Overload Your Child with Too Much Information
Begin on a Positive Note
Make Feedback Relevant to Your Child
Own Your Feedback
Clearly Distinguish Between Intention and Effect
Attribute a Positive Intention
Separate Behavior from Character
Focus on Effort and Progress
Focus Your Child on Strategic Effort
Provide Alternative Strategies
Speak the Language of Strategies
Give Feedback about Processes and Procedures
Teach Self-Reference Feedback
Keep 5: 1: 0 Ratios
Section 2: Criticizing Your Child
Kinds of Criticism
Guidelines for Criticizing Children
State Only Observations
Watch Out for Manners
Have a Message
Collect the Facts
Reference Actions, Not Abilities
Keep Your Strong Feelings Under Control
Minimize Errors and Mistakes
Tolerate Negative Behavior
Give Supportive Examples
Explain the Purpose of Criticism
Teach Relative Reasoning
Become a Coach
Train Your Child in Self-Criticism
Link Your Criticism with Praise
Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: Hidden Criticism
Section 3: Correcting and Redirecting Behavior
Guidelines for Correcting Behavior
Have Clear Behavior Expectations
Give Unconditional Acceptance
Separate Child from Behavior
Externalize the Behavior
Help Your Child Fix the Mistake
Do Not Dwell on the Past
Avoid Global Statements
Start with Something Positive
Give Positive Directions
Give Your Child a Substitute Behavior
Make the New Behavior Relevant
Presuppose that Your Child is Going to Comply
Use Presuppositions of Change
Change “No” to “Yes, After…”
Replace “Why” with “What”
Focus Your Child in Fixing the Problem
Focus in Prevention
Use the Boomerang Technique
Teach Social Problem Solving
Remind Your Child of Positive Behavior
Train Your Child in Self-Assessment
Do Not Sugarcoat the Problem
Use Schaefer’s Six-Step Procedure
Some Pointers for Giving Warnings
Requests or Commands?
When Refusing Is Not an Option: Mastering the Alpha Command
Guidelines for Giving Alpha Commands
Correcting a Child Already Angry and Defiant
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