Free Book for Teaching: Disciplining with Persuasion and Suggestions

Persuasive Discipline: Using Power Messages and Suggestions to Influence Children Toward Positive Behavior
Originally uploaded by The Psycho-Educational Teacher

This is an excerpt from my free ebook, “Persuasive Discipline: Using Power Messages and Suggestions to Influence Children Toward Positive Behavior.” To download this book, click on the link at the bottom of this post.

Persuasion Technique 1: Assume that What You Want is True

If you talk and act as if what you want is true, your child will believe you. When we assume something, we are sending the message to the child that he or she already wants to do what we are requesting; for example, asking, “Do you want carrots or celery?” assumes that the child wants and will eat one of these two vegetables.

Persuasion Technique 2: Use Positive Directions

When we use positive directions, we get higher compliance than when we use negative directions. Negative directions tell children what not to do; “Don’t make noises” or “Don’t hit your little brother” are examples of negative directions. On the other hand, positive directions tell children what they need to do to comply. Work in changing the negative directions you give children into positive directions. Shapiro (1994) recommends that we write down the negative directions we typically say in one column, and then, in a second column, we change these statements into directions that tell the child in a specific way what he or she should be doing instead. Always describe what you want in positive terms; for example, “Talk in a quiet voice” rather than “Stop shouting!”

Persuasion Technique 3: Point Out an Acceptable Alternative

Positive directions guide children toward a more appropriate behavior or in the direction of an alternative behavior. Shapiro provides the following examples, “Making noises at the table disturbs other people during dinner. If you need to make noises, you can excuse yourself from the table and go outside for five minutes,” and “When you hit your little brother, you will have to go to time-out. Try hitting this pillow when you feel angry.” According to Schaefer (1994), when we point out an acceptable alternative, the child will be more likely to change the inappropriate behavior because he knows what he should do in addition to what not to do.

Persuasion Technique 4: Use More “Start” Messages and Fewer “Stop” Messages

It is easier to start doing something than to stop doing something. Apply this principle when you discipline children; instead of telling the child what to stop doing, tell the child what to start doing. For example, we can turn a statement like, “Stop playing with that toy” into “Please, hand me the toy.” A teacher or parent skilled in persuasive discipline is able to suggest alternative ways of behaving rather than constantly saying, “No” or “Stop that.”

References

Schaefer, C. E. (1994). How to influence children. A handbook of practical child guidance skills (Second Edition). Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.

Shapiro, L. E. (1994). Tricks of the trade: 101 psychological techniques to help children grow and change. King of Prussia, PA: Center for Applied Psychology.

To download free Persuasive Discipline: Using Power Messages and Suggestions to Influence Children Toward Positive Behavior, just click here.